My mom

So…this is serious. My worst nightmare has come true. I am sitting in India, halfway around the world from home, and my mother is in the hospital, in Massachusetts. She has had a stroke, and it’s in a part of her brain that cannot be accessed to stop the bleeding.

A few months ago, I hesitated to set travel plans to go away for 2 whole months, as I kept thinking about my parents. Neither one is doing very well, and now my mother has had a stroke and probably will not recover. I found this out tonight, when I logged on to check email, she had already been in the hospital for a half day or more.

And I am here.

And my dad is sitting by her side, probably all by himself except for nurses that come and go.

Under the best of circumstances, I can get home in the next few days. I have no idea what this will entail for details, all I know is that as of RIGHT NOW (11pm in India) I have no internet access, and can’t make any calls…at least not until tomorrow morning. So here I sit, in my room, all alone, with my laptop and a Word document. Can I feel any more helpless than I do right now?

Mmmmmm, not likely.

She has suffered so much in the last few years, and it has been so hard to watch her decline and feel badly for so long. She retired a few years ago. Dad had already been home for awhile, having retired several years before mom. They always talked about travelling when both of them were retired, and then within a month of mom’s retirement, she started to have very serious and complicated health issues. It just got worse from there.

I have always been a bit of a traveler, but seeing what happened to mom and dad sort of made me realize that the time to do things is NOW, and if you wait, it may not happen. And so here I am, at least a 3 days journey away from my family and friends, and my mother is dying. She is basically unconscious, and probably won’t wake up. And all I can think about is how my dad is there, in the hospital, with all its beeps and alarms, and changes of shifts. Alone.

I need to be there. I simply cannot fathom continuing on this trip now that this has happened. I will be making arrangements tomorrow morning, and posting this. I feel like SHIT for being here when something so profound has happened.

I am glad that my parents were the ones to drive me to the airport 2 short weeks ago, and that I hugged mom and told her I loved her. While I have been away, her emails have been a light in this (sometimes) lonely place. She is always talkative and bubbly, and her emails are no different.

People used to meet me, and often would comment on how similar my mom and I are, in mannerisms, speech, and physical features. Sometimes I’d be a little embarrassed, as I thought that mom was kinda silly, or too talkative sometimes. But really, it made me smile. Everyone loved her, she would always smile and see the best in things, she was radiant all the time. Well, her pain did affect her…being…but, overall, she was always smiling.

I wonder now, if I will get to see her smile again.

(Added 12 hours later) My dad has also been hospitalized for observation, regarding his heart. I am making arrangements to fly home immediately.